untitled for now
by Soaha
Summary: Jyuudaime needs someone he can trust in Italy. Though I know and accept the reason, it still sucks. Rejection in general sucks. You can feel, somewhere deep down inside you, that beyond a shadow of a doubt, no one wants you." Eventual 8059
1. Chapter 1

I've been thinking of this idea for a while now, and not only is it my first Reborn! fanfiction, but it's my first time writing fanfiction in years. I don't know why I left it for so long, but that's really something I couldn't help at the time. I don't even know if I'll finish this one, I just want to get the idea out before it flits away, as so many others before it have done. Ah well.

Anyway, 8059 has become a huge favorite, so that's why I'm writing. Fic inspired by "Once More with Feeling" by Lorein003. Much love to her. Go read it!! It's wonderful!!

Enjoy my pointless drabbles. Chapter still in draft form, and therefore subject to change.  
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CHAPTER RATING:** T for language. Rating may go up in later chapters, but for now its T.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Gokudera's POV.

Why was it that no one had ever bothered to mention that heartbreak hurt this fucking _much? _

Why does this happen so much to me? Why is it that the one person I even think of opening up to betrays my trust? I really hate it when my initial perceptions of people are changed. I thought the baseball idiot was a decent human being, one of the only true nice people in the world. I couldn't have been more wrong. If that wasn't bad enough, it's Jyuudaime as well. Both of them aren't who I thought they were.

I'm probably not making much sense. Hell, I don't even understand it myself... I'm just trying to sort things out before I leave. Yea, that's right. I'm heading back to Italy. I wasn't my choice though. I've been sent away. Again.

I'm not leaving in disgrace, or anything like that. Reborn came up with this idea that Jyuudaime needs someone he can trust operating in Italy alongside the Vongola famiglia stationed there. He wanted Tsuna to have someone on the 'inside'. That's where I came in. I was to go there, and keep an eye on things. I was to study how things were run and report back to Jyuudaime. Pretty much just to prepare him for what to expect when he came into his own as the Vongola Decimo. All in all, not very difficult work. I can see why Reborn chose me, rather than one of the other guardians. If only for the sole reason that, out of us all, I'm the only one who speaks Italian fluently. Because of Mukuro, Chrome was also an option, but I doubt anyone would want to run the risk of having her alone in a (to her) foreign country.

To be honest, I would much rather remain in Japan, even though it would destroy me. I wanted to be selfish for once, and stay with the people I saw as my friends. I wanted to be in one of the only places that ever accepted me for who I was as a _person_, rather than what family I belonged to.

Though I know and accept the reason, it still sucks. Rejection in general sucks. You can feel, somewhere deep down inside you, that beyond a shadow of a doubt, no one wants you. Even if it wasn't intended that way, it still hurts more than anything.

It might have felt better if I had been included upon this decision from the beginning. All of the guardians and the Jyuudaime had spoken to Reborn about this beforehand. I found out from Reborn as we were sitting on the roof during our lunch hour. It was just a week ago, but it feels so much longer. I remember being confused as to why the Jyuudaime and Yamamoto had been withdrawn that day. I didn't push it, feeling that they would tell me in their own time. I just didn't know how _big_ the bomb they dropped into my lap was going to be.

I was shocked when Reborn told me that he had sent in my transfer papers already, and bought my plane ticket. Everything had been arranged. And I had no say in it. I think that's the moment when I realized that I was being abandoned again, in a sense. I was angry that I hadn't been consulted, that I hadn't even been asked. It was decided for me, and there was nothing I could do. I felt completely betrayed when neither Tsuna nor Yamamoto said anything to me. They didn't even bother to look me in the eye.

If nothing else, I'm proud that I took all this in stride. I didn't blow, as I normally would have. I was... empty. After the initial shock had passed, I didn't feel anything. Looking back, I'm thankful for the numbness that day. I was very mature and collected on the outside. It was only when I went home that I left everything crumble. Or tried to, at least. In truth, I only started feeling again about two days ago.

After the big news, I didn't bother going back to school. What was the point? In eight days time I would be on a plane, destined for half way across the world. My plane leaves tomorrow. It's been an entire week, a full seven days, and no one has made the effort to show up at my place, or even say anything to me when I ventured out to get supplies. I saw Ryohei a few days ago when I went to get an extra bag. He took one look at me and started walking back the other direction. Not even my sister has made an appearance.

In any case, my apartment has been cleared out and sold, my stuff packed, and I'm going to need to get some sleep. I'll be sure to keep in touch with everyone here, even if they don't reciprocate. After all that's happened, I'm grateful for the memories I have of my stay here, and I'll not begrudge any of them. I'll just leave as quietly as I came, with no one the wiser. I refuse to make this harder than it needs to be.

Damn. Even in my own mind I feel as if I am whinging and complaining about how much my life sucks. Whatever. I'm going to bed.

~~~  
Feedback? I'm already planning the second chapter, from Yamamoto's POV. You'll get to see what happened flashback form. ;)

And someone come up with a title!! I can't think of anything!!!


	2. Chapter 2

Wow. 2 days and 90 hits. AWESOME!! :D

Disclaimer: Same as always.

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Yamamoto POV.

I can't get it out of my head.

That look.... That hopeless, heart wrenching _look._

Why? Why did it have to be him? Hasn't enough happened to him?

Why did he have to be the one to leave?

I sighed explosively as I rolled over in my bed. Squeezing my eyes shut tight, I'm trying so hard to stop that moment from playing again... But I can't. The images spin through my mind faster than I can block them out.

_It was kind of early when I headed toward the roof to meet my friends for our usual lunch gathering. I hoped Tsuna is there. He seemed a bit down this morning. I'll just have to cheer him up a bit!_

_I pushed the door at the top of the stairway open and take a look around. Spotting him quickly, I grin as I start in his direction. As I got closer, I got a good look at his face. He was talking to the Kid and seemed kinda freaked out. _

_Reborn turned his head to look at me as I approached._

_"You're here. Good. As the Vongola Rain Guardian, you are also privy to this decision."_

_A frown crossed my face briefly. "What decision?"_

_Tsuna looked up, his eyes sorrowful. "We're sending Gokudera back to Italy."_

_My stomach dropped out of my body at those words. Gokudera? Leaving? _

_By some miracle, my mouth was functioning, even when my head was miles away. "Why?"_

_Reborn took up the narrative. "We need someone that Dame no Tsuna can trust stationed in Sicily. He needs to begin learning how the Family is being managed in it's current state if he ever wants to be a competent leader."_

_Tsuna nodded, his eyes unseen behind the screen of his bangs as he looked to the ground. _

_A feeling of foreboding welled up in my heart. "How long? He'll be back in a few weeks, right?"_

_Reborn shook his head. "The time that the Storm Guardian will be overseas will be lengthy, at best."_

_It felt as if the ground had disappeared from under my feet. Lifting my head, I managed to choke out the question that had been plaguing my mind for several minutes. "Does he know?"_

_Reborn shook his head, black fedora shadowing his eyes. "He will be informed when he gets here."_

_My eyes narrowed dangerously as my hands clenched into fists at my sides. I stepped forward, my mouth opening to lash out-_

_Tsuna jumped to his feet and placed a gently restraining hand on my arm. "Yamamoto... There's nothing we can do. The Ninth ordered this." I directed my burning gaze to his, my eyes widening as I stared into light brown eyes, bright with unshed tears. _

_All at once, the frustration and anger seemed to wash out of me, leaving me to slump heavily against the chain link fencing surrounding the rooftop. "Isn't there _anything_ at all that we..."_

_Tsuna shook his head. There was a sense of finality about the motion. It dawned on me that I really couldn't go against this.... I slid down the fence to sit on the rooftop._

_Distantly, I heard the sound of a door opening, and footsteps approaching. _

_"Jyuudaime... What's wrong?"_

_That voice... Those gentle tones ripped the tiny hole in my heart a little bigger. He had _no_ idea..._

_I heard the shuffling of papers and Gokudera making a noise of inquiry. _

_"Reborn, what are these?" His voice sounded tight. I can't look up... If I do, If I see his face, I'll-_

_"This folder contains your transfer papers, a bill of sale for your apartment, and a plane ticket. Instructions pertaining to your mission are enclosed as well."_

_Gokudera inhaled sharply. _

_-I'll want to just grab him and run. I'd give into the temptation I've felt for so long just to hold him and never let go, to protect him from everything. _

_For several seconds there was silence. I risked a fleeting look through my lashes upwards. What I saw made my heart clench painfully._

_Gokudera Hayato stood as if struck. His slender hands held the plain manila folder in a white knuckled grip. His eyes, his beautiful bright green eyes were dull and so utterly lost looking, filled with a thousand emotions that I couldn't grasp._

_Gokudera blinked and it was as if a switch had been flipped. His head came up, his shoulders firm, and his eyes blank, completely closed off. It looked as if he was merely a marionette, subject to the whims of the person pulling his strings._

_"I understand. I will send annual reports as to inform of my progress. When does the plane depart?" I flinched as I heard him. He sounded almost mechanical. As if he really was a puppet._

_Reborn's voice was clipped and professional. "8 days from today."_

_Gokudera nodded. "Very well. I'll take my leave to make the necessary arrangements."_

_He bowed lowly to Tsuna, to all of us, before turning and leaving without a sound._

_My world narrowed to a point, Tsuna and Reborn fading into the background as if they had never been._

_If he had looked back, he would have seen me shakily getting to my feet, my arm slightly extended as if to reach out and tug him back... Back to me. Back to us. My mouth opened, shaped into the first syllable of his name, but the words were caught in my throat._

_I stared helplessly at his retreating back. I took in the way the sunlight lit his silver hair in a halo, and the set of his shoulders, stiffened into rigidity by sheer determination not to crumble. _

_The stairwell door closed with a gentle click that seemed to reverberate into the air with all the abruptness as if the door itself had been slammed shut._

_Feeling a slight tickle, I reached a hand up to my face. I stared in shocked silence as my fingertips came away wet._

I blinked away the feeling of the phantom tears, or were they actual tears? Coming to a spit second decision, I threw the covers from my form before sprinting to the door of my room.

I flashed through my house, blearily remembering to grab a jacket to cover my naked shoulders as I stuffed my feet into my shoes. Racing out the door, I was greeted by darkness, due to the late hour.

It didn't matter. My feet knew this path. How many times had I -had _we-_ tread it before?

Before long I arrived at a familiar apartment complex. The one in which that silver haired teen lived. The same teen I had been searching for in school this past week, to no avail. Rushing up the stairs to the second level, I came to a jerky stop in front of a very familiar door.

Steeling myself, I reached up a hand to knock on the worn wood. The sound echoed hollowly in the dark area beyond the flimsy wooden barrier.

My heart pounding, I reached for the doorknob with shaking hands, slightly surprised to find it unlocked.

The door swung inward silently. What met my eyes shocked me to the core of my being. I stood in the open doorway, shaking in a jacket swung haphazardly over my bare torso, old sweats clinging to my hips, and a pair of worn sneakers.

Falling to my knees on the threshold, I stared fixedly on the sight before me. Where once there had been a gentle glow to greet anyone to walk in, a warm setting comprised of comfortable furniture placed around the somewhat small apartment, there was only emptiness. The barren rooms echoed in my mind with the whisper of past laughter, explosions, frustrated yelling, and conversations that lasted long into the night. Everything that had made this apartment a home had been extinguished. Not even a trace of the vibrant soul who had once dwelt here remained.

Distantly, I heard a choked off sob. Was that me? I didn't know anymore. I only knew one thing for sure...

He was gone.

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I can't believe I just wrote that. Tried to make it as long as possible to get everything I had in mind down. Hopefully this chapter clears up what happened. Now everyone can send mental hugs to Gokudera and Yamamoto, they'll need it.

Also, I'm thinking of starting a series of Reborn vignettes that are lighthearted enough to balance out the dark feeling of this fic. So, anyone wanna give me a pairing with a prompt, or a sentence? Anyone? :D

Still looking for a title.


	3. AN Heeeelp meeee!

Brief authors note: Would it be at all possible for me to bounce ideas off someone? I've been thinking over this fic for a few days, and I'm a bit tapped out for content.

Anyone want to take pity on my poor brain? And whoever tags in ideas will be assured credit for them. ^^

This... thing here will be taken down when I actually get something that can pass for a chapter. Bear with me.

Another note: HOLY SHIT!!! 200 HITS!!! O_O You guys are _awesome!!!!!_


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